it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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