we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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