Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
