Your face is a jimmy john
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
