I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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