If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
