If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
