he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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