i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
smell my finger.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
