oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
