i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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