You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
