If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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