so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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