make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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