in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
