dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You dont lie about slip and slides
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
A bitchslap is in order.
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