I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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