we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
