I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
