Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
