you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
