only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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