Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
