worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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