Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I understand Curling. That high.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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