Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
