Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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