I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I think my nap took me to another dimension
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
