wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
