Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
