Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
