The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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