people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
