I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
That's when you crack a 10am beer
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.