They should really pass out barf bags in church
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?