theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
