life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
