It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Randomize
