We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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