I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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