Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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