I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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