I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
