You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
