gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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