i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
