so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
