is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
