I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She even gives head with a lisp.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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