Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
