Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
