I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
