I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
