first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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