just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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