I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
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