her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
