Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
