remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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