So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
