You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
