I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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