sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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