his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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