He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
