My room smells like vodka and shame
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
