yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
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My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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