shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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