I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
