yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
