i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
