So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
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Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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