So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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