I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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