Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
