if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
