One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
